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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2006 : 9:49:30 PM
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haha kamote que ang meryenda cguro
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
 Posted - 08/04/2006 : 10:22:24 AM
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A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon
with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT"
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing
that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
Dear Madam:
Enclosed find cheque in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 -there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful
Apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there
Is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present Landlady.
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2006 : 6:22:18 PM
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hahaha
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2006 : 10:49:50 AM
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John wanted to screw a girl in his class but she belonged to someone else. One day, John got so frustrated that he went up to her and said bluntly, "I'll give you a thousand bucks if you let me screw you."
The girl, obviously insulted, said no but John insisted. "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down. I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought about it, and said she would have to consult her boyfriend first.
So she called her boyfriend and told him of the offer. "Have him double the amount!" said her boyfriend. "And make sure you pick up the money before he even has a chance to pull down his pants." She agreed with the plan and faced John for his big lay.
Thirty minutes went by and not a word from the girl. When the boyfriend called, the girl was fuming at the other end of the line. "Why?" asked the boyfriend. And the girl said, "The bastard used coins!"
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“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 18/04/2006 : 09:08:03 AM
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| wahahaha |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 18/04/2006 : 10:13:35 AM
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| tama ng tawa mag contribute naman kayo |
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�Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.�
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xhalee
Diamond Star
Maldives
116 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2006 : 9:57:51 PM
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| 1st day ng klase syempre ngpapakilala muna ang mga teacher. sinulat nya ang name nya sa blackboard. "miss pruke" kpag tinanong kau bukas kailangan alam nyo ang aking name alalahanin nyo with an r.. with an r.. with an rpaglabas ng student s klase inulit-ulit nila n with an r.. with an r.. with an r..kinabukasan tinanong sila ng teacher ngunit si Juan kundi mag day dream. npansin xa ng kanyang teacher. tinanong sya. sabi ni Juan "yes ma'am"sabi ng teacher "ano real name ko?"namamawis sa kaba si Juan binubulong ng mga classm8 nya wiyh an r.. with an r.. with an r.. naisip ni Juan ang name sinabi nya "miss prekprek" |
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xhalee
Diamond Star
Maldives
116 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2006 : 10:04:34 PM
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3 men holdup a bus and started collecting cash, jewelry& cellfones from the passengers.....
a young lady was so worried that she cannot reached her destination without money...
she pulled out her only P500 peso bill from her wallet and insert it at her pantys...
the holdapers got her wallet and cellfone...then they fleed...... after reaching her destination...
she went to jollibee to eat...
at the counter she ordered burgers and pay with the P500 bill....
the casheir told her that her P500 was a fake! she asked why?...... the cashier told her that ninoy is covering his nose at the P500 peso bill!........ |
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xhalee
Diamond Star
Maldives
116 Posts |
Posted - 20/04/2006 : 10:28:02 PM
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Mga gatas ng babae
1. Dalagita - fresh milk
2. Dalaga - pasteurized
3. Bagong kasal - skimmed
4. Matagal ng kasal - yogurt
5. Matandang dalaga - taho
6. Lola - tokwa
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My Husband
Four Pinays wife
First Wife: My husband is a Doctor, I like him
He always injecting me. I love it.
Second Wife: Oh my husband is a Dentist, I like
him. He always bunot ng bunot, I
enjoyed it.
Third Wife: Oh my husband is an Engineering. I
like it. He is always erecting,
Ganado ako.
Fourth Wife: Oh talo ng mister ko silang lahat
ang asawa ko "VISAYA" matigas ang
dila.
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Sabay hinawakan...
Mother: Diba sabi ko kung hawakan ka ng BF mo sa dede, say "DON'T!",
tapos kung hawakan ka sa pepe, say "STOP!"
--- eh anong nangyari?
Daughter: Kasi sabay po niyang hinawakan kaya sabi ko, "Don't stop!" |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 23/04/2006 : 1:45:08 PM
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HAHAHA! kakatawa naman ng mga jokes mo mizzt
EXPRESSIONS 101 NG MGA BADING
“Bona!” – Tanga! (Kasi it’s not Promil.)
“Carry.”, “Keri.” – Pwede na.
“Chever!” – (_Expression ni John Lapus pag natutuwa siya.)
“Chos!”, “Charot!”, “Charing!”, “Charito Solis!”– Just kidding.
“Cynthia?” – Sino siya?
“Gravity!” “Rawr-rawr!”, “Rowrr-rowrr!” – Grabe!
“Hello Waffer!”, “Halloween!” – (greetings of) Hello !
“Imbay!” / “Imbyerna!” – Kainis!
“In Fairview…” – In fairness…
“Juice ko!” – My God!
“Kape!” – (Mag-kape ka/siya/sila nang magising sa katotohanan.)
“Kebs!”, “Kiber!” – Wala akong pakialam!, Deadma!
“Ligwak.” – Lagot ka.
“Majonga!” – Bonga!
“Malaybalay, Bukidnon!” – Malay ko!
“Malaysia at Pakistan!” – Malay ko at paki ko!
“Malaysia India Japan.” – Malay ko.
“Mars…” – “Mare...” , “Sistah…”
“Miss Malaysia!” – Malay ko.
“Namaste!” – Naman!
“Plangak!”, “Korak!”, “Flangganah!”, “Kaplang!” – Correct!, Exactly!
“Psychological!”, “Psycholo!” – Kaloka!
“Sushmita Sen.” – Susmaryosep.
“Taruz!”, “Kabog!” – Taray!
“Touchtone Picture.” – Hawakan mo.
“Urky!” – “Kaloka!” (Sosyal version)
“Wa na splok.” – Wag ka na lang maingay.
“Wa-i na!” – Wag na!
“Watashi…” – Si ano…
“Wes datis.” – Walang pera.
“Wes konowang.” – Hindi ko alam.
“Wes piyok.” – Quiet lang.
“Wes taoshious.” – Walang tao.
“Wit ko bet.” – ‘Di ko type.
“Wit!”, “Wa-i!” – Ayoko
“Wit!”, “Wiz!” – Hindi!
TERMS OF ENDEARMNT
“Girl!”, “Lolah!”, “Ateh!”, “Mamah!”, “Titah!”, “Sister!”, “Mother!”, “Bakla!”
PROPER NOUNS
Ace Sanchez – a top
Aglipay – ugly Pinay ( jowang pokpok na chaka ng mayaman na foreigner )
Ana, Anaconda – ahas, traidor
Anita Linda, Aida – A.I.D.S.
Ate Vangie – gamot pampatulog (Ativan Gang)
Ate Vi – atrebida
Backstreet Boys – cute guys sa likuran mo
Bayombong, Nueva Viscaya – masturbate
Bebang, Mayta – maid
Blusang Itim – mga bakla na gumanda nang maayusan sa parlor
Cathy Santillan, Kate Gomez, Cathy Mora, Cathy Dennis – makati, malibog
Chabelita – chubby
Chanda Romero – tummy (ang laki ng Chanda Romero nung pulis) / an old woman
Chiquito – maliit
Churchill – sosyal
Crayola Khomeni – iyak
Dakota Harrison Plaza – malaki tite
Debbie Gibson – give
Duty Free – maliit ang nota
Ella Mae (Saeson), Ella Fitzgerald, Ella Luansing – state of feeling horny
Eva Kalaw – evak
Felix Bakat – bakat ang tite (sa brief or pants)
Girlie Rodis – babae
Givenchy – give, pahingi
Halls – tsupa
Indiana Jones – hindi sumipot
Janjalani, Pocahontas – bakla na palaging late o indyanera
Jennilyn (Mercado) – cheap, chaka
Joana Paras – asawa
Julanis Morisette, Reyna Elena – umuulan
Julie Andrews – mahuli
Kelvinator, Kelvina – babaeng mataba, sinlaki ng refrigirator
Leticia Ramos Shahani – shabu
Lilet - bading na bagets
Lucita Soriano – loss na, sorry pa
Lucrecia Kasilag – baliw
Luz Clarita, Luz Clarita, Luz Valdez – talo, loss ang beauty
Maharlika, Mahalia Jackson – mahal
Manilyn Reynes – malibog
Miss Nigeria – negra
Murriah Carey, Morayta – mura
Nora Daza – magluto
Oprah Winfrey, O.P.M. – oh, promise me, pangako, utang
Phil Collins – Philcoa
Purita Kalaw Ledesma, Purita Kashiwara, Pureta Malaviga – poor, dukha
Rica Paralejo, Nina Ricci – mayaman
Rita Gomez – naiirita
Ruffa – laklak
Siete Pecados – tsismosa
Thunder Cats – gurang
Tom Jones, Tommy Lee Jones – gutom
Uranus – puwet
Washington D.C. – wala
X-Men – mga dating lalaki
Yayo Aguila – dyahe
Zsa Zsa Padilla – o siya, sige!
ADJECTIVES & ADVERBS
48 years – sobrang tagal
antibiotic – antipatika
balaj, valaj – balahura
bella – boba
bigalou – big
biway, chopopo, guash – gwapo
bongga, bonggakea – super to the max
borta – malaki katawan
boyband – lalaking sintaba ng baboy
buya – nakakahiya
chaka, chuckie, shonget, ma-kyonget, chapter, jupang-pang – ugly
cheapangga, chipipay – cheap, ka-cheapan
chipipay – cheap
chopopo – gwapo
conalei – baklush
daki – dako
dites – dito
doonek – doon
effem – halatang bakla
emena gushung – malanding semenarista
fayatollah kumenis – payat
ganda lang – for free
ganders – maganda
intonses – sira, wasak
jongoloids – bobo
jowa, jowabelles, jowabella – karelasyon, boyfriend o girlfriend
jutay, juts – maliit
kabog, loss – talo
katagalugan – matagal
katol – mukhang katulong
kirara – pangit / maitim
klapeypey-klapeypey – pumalakpak
krang-krang – hungry (same as Tom Jones)
krung-krung – sira ulo, baliw
lulu, tungril, tetetet – lesbian
mahogany, mashumers, ugmas – mabaho
majubis – mataba / gusgusin
matod – magnanakaw
nakakalurky – nakaka-shock, nakaka-takot
neuro – napaisip bigla, mind-boggler
oblation – walang saplot
otoko – lalakeng lalaki
pamin, paminta, pamentos, pamenthol – discreet gay guy
pinkalou – pink
pranella – praning
quality control – maganda ang quality
sangkatuts – marami, isang katutak
shala – sosyal
shogal – matagal
shokot, bokot – takot
shonga, shongaers, planggana – tanga
shonga-shonga – tanga-tanga
shonget, makyonget – ugly
shontis – buntis
sudems – never
tamalis – tamad
urky – nakakaloka
warla – loka-loka, nawawala sa sarili, nababaliw
wasok – contraction ng “wasak pag pasok”
wiz, waz – wala
wrangler, thunder(s), tanders, majonders – matanda
NOUNS, PRONOUNS AND PREPOSITIONS
adez, andabelz, adesa, anda, ka-andahan, andalucia – pera
akesh, akembang – ako
badet, dinga, dingalou – bading
berru – beer
borlog – tulog, power nap
bottomesa, bottones – a bottom
bufra – boyfriend
carrou, carosa – car
cheese – chismis
chimi, chimini, chimi-aa, chimini-aa – maid
constru – construction worker
daot – ahas, traitor
ditey, ditich, ditraks – dito
feelanga – crush
fiampey – singit, etits, flower
garapata – vaklush na punggok na majubis
gardini – security guard
oishi – shabu
gulay, pechay, bilatch, tahong – babae
hada – oral gay sex
hammer – pakonyo effect sa mga prosti or callboy, “pokpok”
havana – mahabang mukha
hipon – maganda ang katawan pero panget
itich, itechlavu – ito
itich-me-how – etits, penis
jipamy – jeep
jowa, jowawis – lover, boy/girlfriend
jubelita – vaklita, batang bading
kat-kat – sosyal na tawag sa katulong
katol, chimay – katulong
kyota – bata
kyotatalet – sanggol
likil, mentos, future – lalaki
merlat, melat, bilat, mujer – babae
nota, notes – penis
pa-uring – a bottom
performance artist – mahilig mag-inarte
potato queen – chink for chinks
red alert – menstruation
rice queen – chink folks who go for white guys (?)
colbam, sholbam – callboy
shulupi – pulubi
shumod, shumodity – tamod
suba, bugarou – cigarette
success story – babae/lalaki na mukhang katulong na may lover na foreigner na masalapi
katuray – baklang mukhang katulong na mataray
tayelz – tayo
variables – barya, coins
wigwam – wig
VERBS
bacstroke – bugbugin
bet, fillet – gusto
bionic, bayas, bayis – magjakol
bona, kimbash, uring – tirahin sa pwet
bongkang, shongkang, tsuplukan – kumantot
booking – to hook up with someone
borlog, tulogsi – matulog
dramamin – umaastang lalaki
entourage, enter the dragon – pumasok
getluck – kuhanin
gora, godelya – go
hada, koflang, kops – suck
jeverly, kalaw, erna – dudumi
krompal – sampal, but with an attitude (kasi may kasamang kuko)
lafez, lafang, lafour – kain
nomo-nomo, normok – inom
payola – pay
rampage – rampa
rendez-vous - takbo
shonggal – tanggal
sight - look
strungga – nenok, nakaw
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lou
pinkalou – pink
carou – car
chuvalou – common _expression
chiva-lou – hada or bj
orangalou – anal sex from the rootword oranga
pagurlalou – pa-girl
chufalou – hada
china
payolachina – pay
pangitchina – pangit
chupachina – blow job
mukachina – face
ra/delya
pagodora, pagodelya – tired
bongadera, bongadelya – ang ganda mo day
grabedora, grabedelya – grabe
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one pokels – piso
one hammer – P 100
one kiaw – P 1,000
P 1,553 – one kiaw, five hammer, at nyifti three pokels
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Spanish-Filipino Gaylingo
Chorizo de Bilbao – penis
Grande – malaki
Granada de España – grabe
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�Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.�
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 26/04/2006 : 09:10:49 AM
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Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world. However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers."
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Every year my father visits a friend in Tennessee. During one stay his buddy teased, "You should move down here. Of course, then you wouldn't be a Yankee anymore."
"I've always wondered about something," Dad asked. "What's the difference between a Yankee and a damn Yankee?"
"A Yankee," his friend replied with a smile, "only comes to visit."
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Upon returning from Iraq, I received a number of commendations and medals, including the Bronze Star for meritorious achievement. Still, my daughter was unimpressed. "Who won the Silver and the Gold?" she asked.
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�Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.�
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 26/04/2006 : 2:05:48 PM
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| hehehe |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 26/04/2006 : 3:58:16 PM
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| hehehe lang di ba hahaha |
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�Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.�
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 27/04/2006 : 06:05:27 AM
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this is sort of a funny but true (A winning best poem in 2005 by an African child)
Wen i born,
i black.
Wen I grow up,
i black.
Wen I scared,
i black.
Wen i sick,
i black.
when i die,
i still black.
And u white fella,
wen u born,
you pink.
wen u grow up,
u white.
wen u go in the sun,
u red.
wen u cold,
u blue.
Wen u scared,
u yellow
Wen u sick,
u green.
Wen u die,
u gray.
And u calling me colored?
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Joke Time!!!
