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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2006 : 7:48:11 PM
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IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS, YOU ARE NOT A TAGALOG SPEAKING FILIPINO.
1. Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.
____ I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of
TENACIOUS .
2. Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT,and DETAIL in a sentence.
____ DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE ,first DEFEAT and then DETAIL.
3. Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.
____ I hear dripping in the sink.
I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
! 4. Use PERSUADING in a sentence.
____ Jack and Jill got married on Nov. 1, 1997. So on Nov. 1,
1998, they are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.
5. Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.
____ Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.
6. Use IRAQ, EGYPT, and IRAN in a sentence.
____ I threw IRAQ at EGYPT and then IRAN.
7. Use PAUL four times in a sentence.
____ PAUL, be care PAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.
8. Use CUISINE in a sentence.
____ I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE math.
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9. Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in a sentence.
____ At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS .
10. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
____ (phone rings).....Hello?
Who SCHOOLING?
11. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
____ Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
12. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
____ If you are ADIEU , the Arabs will kill you.
13. Use DECANTER in a sentence.
____ You can order that medicine over
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DECANTER .
14. Use DEFLATE in a sentence.
____ Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?
15. Use DELE! TION in a sentence.
____ The balat of DELETION is crispy.
16. Use DESPISE in a sentence.
____ Who baked all DESPISE?
17. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
____ I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.
AND NOW FOR THE FILIPINOS WHO CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:
18. Use BORROW in a sentence.
____ Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
19. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
____ Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
20. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
____ Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero,
CONTEMPLATE .
21. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA)
____ Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun,pero, ma-ARTESIA.
22. Use CADET in a sentence.
____ CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.
23. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
____ Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.
24. Use CENTURION in a sentence.
____ Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
26. Use DEFIED in a sentence.
____ What is 2 + 3? Eh DEFIED , dali naman niyon.
27. Use DELICACY in a sentence.
____ Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.
28. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
____ Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong kumain.
29. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
___ Brownout... siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.
30. Use LAITY in a sentence.
____ Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.
31. Use MENTION in a sentence.
____ Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 15/03/2006 : 11:27:35 PM
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Host: Anong S (salbabida) ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat
upang hindi ka malunod? Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hinde! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant :Siyoke?
H : What N (Narra) is the national tree of the Philippines?
C : Niyog?
H : Mas matigas pa diyan.
C : (In a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!
H : Saang B (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
C : Sa back?
H : O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L" (Luneta)
C : Sa likod?
H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" (Rizal Park) and initials ng
modern name niya
C : Sa rear part?
H : Saang B (beach) tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo?
C : Banyo?
H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
C : Sa bubong?
H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
C : Sa beerhouse?
H : What M (Maya) is the national bird of the Philippines?
C : Manok?
H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
C : Piniritong manok?
H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
C : Piniritong manoka?
H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.
C : Maggie chicken cube?
H : What S (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines?
C : Sunflower?
H : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
C : Stork?
H : Hindi. Bulaklak sabi, eh.
C : Sitsarong bulaklak?
H : Hindi pa rin. Ends with the letter "A"
C : Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
H : O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa!
C : Ano ang pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa
letrang "A", at kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer?
C : Si Sharon Cuneta!
H : Anong L (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw
ay nalulunod? C : Lifebuoy?
H : Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong
ito.
C : Safeguard?
H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
C : Safe boy?
H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
C : Si Mr. Clean!
H : Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?
Clue : Kapangalan niya ang tao ng chess (Eugene Torre)
C : Carole King?
H : Hindi, mas mababa sa King.
C : Al Quinn?
H : Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
C : Armida Siguion-Reyna?
H : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
C : Bishop Bacani?
H : Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
C : Johnny Midnight?
H : Mas mababa pa sa knight.
C : Jerry Pons?
H : O ayan, ha. Nabanggit mo na ang lahat ng piyesa. Yung
kahulihulihang piyesa na lang.
C : Sylvia la Torre!!!
H : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?
Clue :Ang initials niya ay N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
C : Nora Aunor?
H : Hindi, ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay 'Y'
C : Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, dati siyang senador.
C : Si former Senator Guy Aunor?
H : Hindi, patay na siya.
C : Ano!? Patay na si Nora Aunor
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 16/03/2006 : 07:59:56 AM
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A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!”
The wife says,“Ohmigod! No s***?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
The husband yells back,“It doesn’t matter… just get the hell out!”
bwahahaha... |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 16/03/2006 : 12:29:24 PM
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| wahahaha |
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lukin4gf
Diamond Star
Philippines
110 Posts |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 21/03/2006 : 09:38:56 AM
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hahahaha! kakaluka !!
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“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 21/03/2006 : 11:52:49 AM
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SUPER BABY
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Why,yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such goodcare of me during the birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes,dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger.
"Hurts, doesn't it!?"
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BABY FOOD
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively
asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"
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HEART
In a kindergarten class, the teacher ask the class to describe "
heart". The 1st girl raise her hand and stood up and said " heart is red in color". Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher: " Anyone else can give me another answer? "
Another girl raise her hand and got up and said " heart pumps blood".
Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher: " One more answer? "
A little boy got up and said " heart has legs" Amused and puzzled, the teacher ask the boy why he said heart has legs.
The boy said: "I was outside my daddy's room last night and heard my daddy said 'Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs ' You see, heart got legs!!
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I RATHER HAVE A PUPPY
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex.
The little boy asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy" So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
The little boy says "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says "hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around? I'd rather have a puppy instead!"
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SEX EDUCATION
A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class.
She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class,
"Does anyone know what this is?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to torture my mummy with."
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DEAD GOLD FISH
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster
was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."
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THE WHOLE TRUTH
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes
it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he
says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 >note and says, "Just don't tell your father. "
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way >to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
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WHISPER
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you
have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I
have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 21/03/2006 : 4:15:15 PM
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| bwahahaha @ whisper... |
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 24/03/2006 : 5:53:32 PM
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wahahaa
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2006 : 10:13:48 AM
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puro kayo tawa, mag contribute naman kayo!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”
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lukin4gf
Diamond Star
Philippines
110 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2006 : 04:04:15 AM
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honga he he he.
Kumain ng madami para maging Bibo |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2006 : 1:09:29 PM
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Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
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Patient: Dok, sabihin nyo na po ng diretso, seryoso po ba sakit ko?
Doc: Nanonood ka ba ng DARNA?
Patient: Opo, pero ano koneksyon nun?
Doc: Hindi mo na matatapos….
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Hospital Director: May reklamo po kayo sa Doctor namin?
Babae: Bigla kasi ipinasok and dalawang daliri sa ano ko!
Hospital Director: Talaga pong ganun pag eeksaminin.
Babae: Di ba dapat lawayan muna?
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Man: Doctor, I need a vasectomy.
Doc: That’s a tough decision, did you talk it over with your family?
Man: Yes, doc my children voted 21-2 in favor!
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“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
 Posted - 01/04/2006 : 08:09:22 AM
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May pinay sa elevator, tapos may pumasok na French at Amerkana at nagyayabangan sa perfume.
French: Hey you know what, I just bought Pleasures yesterday for $250 and it smells so good.
Amerkana: oh yeah! me I bought tommy girl for $350 dollars!
Si pinay pinagpawisan at tahimik lang, nang biglang ...........
French at Kana: Eeeewwwww!!!!! what's that smell!!!!
Pinay: That's the essence of sweet potatoes (kamote) $0.99 a lb. |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2006 : 12:59:39 PM
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wahahahhaa!
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“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2006 : 12:55:19 PM
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| hahaha |
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Joke Time!!!
