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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 22/02/2006 : 6:00:46 PM
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wahaha sa lolo at lola haha...
eto funny grammar booboos....
Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?
Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?... Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.
Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.
Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.
Army officer to cadet: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?" "No, sir."
"Ok, why?" (anlabo!)
Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.
Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What?! Teacher!
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles! (Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!
Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.
A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.
Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.
Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead. (Ano daw?!)
Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gusto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!
Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)
In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.
Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom: Ahhh... Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)
Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. ("Hindi ito bola" in English)
Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!
Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!
Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!
Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.
Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy a.
Student: Miss may "s" yon...
Teacher: A, sorry. Chip ahoys!
Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other:
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?
Friend 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.
In an awards night, presentor goes: And the winner for Best Comedy Show is
Okay Ka, Pare Ko! of IBS channel 13. (Ever heard of that?)
Alma Moreno, in her show introduces Nora Aunor who comes in late:
Finally, please welcome, the late Nora Aunor.
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 23/02/2006 : 05:02:38 AM
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wahahaha, ok ah  |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 25/02/2006 : 07:22:48 AM
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"Could we reschedule our tennis match?" my friend asked. "I have to take my dogs to obedience school in the morning."
"Obedience school?" I answered. "What if they don't want to go?"
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My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
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Mga HINDI pede sa aking kubeta
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 27/02/2006 : 12:54:32 PM
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Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!
Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"
Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"
Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'."
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Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!"
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Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
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WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako.
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Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin!
Wife: ha? Bakit?
Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako ng ! banyo eh.
Wife: punyeta ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!
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Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi na.
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Mga HINDI pede sa aking kubeta
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano
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Edited by - malaine on 27/02/2006 1:02:18 PM |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 28/02/2006 : 05:44:08 AM
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| wahahaha |
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histrionic
Superstar
Philippines
1320 Posts |
Posted - 28/02/2006 : 2:11:07 PM
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| ayos! hahaha..:) |
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
 Posted - 01/03/2006 : 08:29:18 AM
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Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids,and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2006 : 07:57:59 AM
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bwahahaha
amen to that ate malaine |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 04/03/2006 : 3:01:49 PM
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Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka Walkman ka pala!
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Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY?
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1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"
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Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang
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Mga HINDI pede sa aking kubeta
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” |
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2006 : 10:30:35 AM
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this is a bit old but it still makes you smile...
WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which! read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2006 : 6:40:52 PM
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# End of the World!
A filipino in Florida started to shout as Hurricane Wilma
lands:"Katapusan Na! Katapusan Na!
Another pinoy heard him and shouted:
Gago, A-KINSE PA LANG!!!!!
# Watch That Wall!!!
A funeral service is being held for a woman who just died. At the end
of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket. They heard a faint
moan. They opened the casket and found out that the woman was actually
alive!! SHE LIVED FOR 10 MORE YEARS THEN DIES AGAIN. Once again, a
ceremony was held and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying
the casket out. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
cries out:: WATCH THAT WALL!!!!
# It's Wonderful!!!
Nag-uusap si GMA at Bush sa Oval Office:
Bush: How is your country?
GMA : It's Wonderful!!
Bush: But there are people who do not eat anymore. I wonder how they
survive.
GMA : You See! Even you wonders! IT'S WONDERFUL!!!
# pusa
isang lalaki ang nagkumpisal kay father.
Lalake: Father, gus2 ko sana na ikumpisal sa inyo na nang rape po ako
ng pusa.
Father: Anong kulay ng pusa?
Lalake: Puti po na may halong konting itim.
Father: Kilala ko yang pusang pusang yan ah, yung pusa ba sa likod ng
simbahan?
Lalake: Yun nga po father.
Father: Walang yang pusang yan ah. Bat nung ako eh kinalmot niya ako.
Ayaw sa akin.
# maliit na bagay
may dalawang lalakeng lasing n laging umiihi sa harap ng simbahan.
nakita cla ng dalawang madre at sinumbong kay father.
Madre: Father may dalawang lalake na laging umiihi sa harap ng simbahan
pag nalalasing sila.
Father: Hayaan nyo na lang yan. Maliit lang na bagay yan.
Madre: Hindi father, malaki nga eh!!
# Unang Sakay sa Eroplano
~~~
Namasyal si Kulas kasama ang kanyang asawa at biyenan
sa isang maliit
na airport upang tignan ang paligsahan ng mga stunt pilot.
Sa dahilang hindi pa nakakasakay sa eroplano si Kulas ay naglakas loob
siyang tanungin ang isa sa mga piloto kung magkano ang sumakay sa
maliit na eroplano.
"100 pesos sa 10 minuto", sagot ng piloto.
" Napakamahal naman...kung 3 kaming sasakay di aabutin ng 300 pesos." ,
sabi ni Kulas.
Nag-isip ang piloto at sinabi, " Dahil di ka pa nakakasakay sa
eroplano, meron akong iaalok sa iyo na di mo matatanggihan. Kung ikaw, ang
asawa mo at biyenan mo ay hindi iimik sa 5 minuto nating pag-iikot sa
himpapawid, libre ang sakay niyo. Pero kung isa man sa inyo ang
sumigaw,
babayaran mo ako ng 300 pesos."
Nag-isip si Kulas at ilang sandali pa ay pumayag sa sinabi ng piloto.
Tuwang tuwa si Kulas sa kanyang unang sakay sa eroplano. At ng bumaba
na sila ay pinuri siya ng piloto sa kanyang katapangan.
" Bilib ako sa iyong katapangan, ni minsan ay di ka napasigaw." sabi ng
piloto.
Sagot ni Kulas, "Oo nga, bilib din ako sa sarili ko… pero alam mo bang
muntik na akong sumigaw noong nahulog ang asawa at biyenan ko !"
~~~
# LOLO and LOLA
1 nyt lola wears c-tru dress lolo didn't react.
2nd nyt, lola
wears t-bak, lolo still dedma.
3rd nyt, lola all naked, lolo said, ano b yan suot mo, gusot na gusot?
# Daddy at Anak wah!!
Daddy: anak, bli mo ko ng softdrinks.
Anak: coke o pepsi?
D: coke
A: diet o regular?
D: regular
A: bote o can?
D: bote
A: 80z o litro?
D: tubig na lng!!!
A: mineral o natural?
D: mineral
A: malamig o hindi?
D: hampasin kta ng walis e!!!
A: tambo o tingting
D: HAYOP ka!!!
A: baka o baboy
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2006 : 08:53:01 AM
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| wahahaha |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2006 : 1:47:01 PM
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wahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
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Joke Time!!!
