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kRiSTiNnE
Superstar
Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
1064 Posts |
Posted - 28/11/2005 : 09:59:29 AM
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ang hahaba nman.. ktamad..
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 28/11/2005 : 10:18:25 AM
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds
of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breast are like melons,
round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said,
"Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man
goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch,
flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only. |
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 28/11/2005 : 10:23:29 AM
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WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
26. At a **thingy**tail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 28/11/2005 : 10:25:32 AM
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Minamahal kong Anak,
Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam kong mabagal kang magbasa. Nandito na kami sa probinsya para tirahan ang bagong bili na bahay.
Pero hindi ko maibigay sa iyo ang address dahil dinala ng dating nakatira ang number para daw hindi na sila magpapalit ng address.
Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa manila. Dalawang beses lang umulan sa linggong ito, tatlong araw noong una at apat na araw noong pangalawa.
Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad nun nabili ko na shampoo dahil ayaw bumula. Nakasulat kasi FOR DRY HAIR kaya hindi ko binabasa ang buhok
ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik ko sa tindahan at magrereklamo ako.
Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa bahay dahil ayaw bumukas ng padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay YALE, eh aba namalat na ako sa kasisigaw ay hindi pa din bumubukas. Magrereklamo din ako sa nagbenta ng bahay, akala nila hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng YALE, wise yata ito!
Mayroon nga pala akong nabili na magandang jacket at tiyak na magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo sa dahil medyo mahal daw dahil mabigat ang mga botones kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga
botones at inilagay ko na lang sa bulsa ng jacket. Ikabit mo na lang pagdating diyan. Nagpadala rin ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo, hindi ko na pinirmahan dahil gusto ko na maging anonymous donor.
Ang kapatid mo palang si daizee ay may trabaho na dito,mayroon siyang 500 na tao na under sa kanya. Nag gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa memorial park, okey naman ang kita above minimum ang sahod.
Nakapanganak na rin pala ang ate baby mo, hindi ko pa alam kung babae o lalake kaya hindi ko pa masasabi
na kung ikaw ay bagong uncle or auntie.
Wala na akong masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na lang ng madalas.
Love, Papa
P.S. Maglalagay sana ako ng pera kaya lang ay naisara ko na ang envelope. Next time na lang ha.. |
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ioj
Global Moderator
Qatar
697 Posts |
Posted - 28/11/2005 : 10:27:06 AM
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A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely.
"Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
"From my nose," the drunk replied. |
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GeRbEr4aDuLtS
Superstar
1719 Posts |
 Posted - 29/11/2005 : 08:07:38 AM
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TAWA MUNA TAYO!!! (sa mga old joke)
IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.
PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It is called a magnifiying glass.
VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko, "nagbavibrate."
Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
Mrs: Gago! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!
REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.
KRIMINAL:
KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyarin! g masama sa kanya...
SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!
CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa ang animal!
SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago
niroromansa...
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang
niroromansa.
PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!
PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!
ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!
AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!
PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!
PROMOTION:
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.
AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon ka!
ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang
sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatangap...
LIIT NAMAN:
Wife: Honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka nang magbra...liit naman dede mo e..
Wife: E ba't ikaw, naka-brief!?
DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba, syempre ah! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan m o rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!
HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sa 'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...
MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!
RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong nangreype sa 'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang-asar ka pa!!!!
"Wisdom enters not a malicious mind, as well as Love enters not a selfish heart."
~anonymous |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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kRiSTiNnE
Superstar
Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
1064 Posts |
Posted - 29/11/2005 : 2:40:02 PM
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haha!!
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
 Posted - 30/11/2005 : 07:35:43 AM
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wa-ha-ha-ha!!!
Delayed reaction na yon ah |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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kRiSTiNnE
Superstar
Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
1064 Posts |
Posted - 30/11/2005 : 2:33:34 PM
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ungah..
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 30/11/2005 : 7:57:58 PM
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hahahha sakit ng chan ko hahaha
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 =Cry for ANY and EVERY reason.. sometimes, it feels good to cry..= |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2005 : 07:31:42 AM
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My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage.
"With this ring..." I began romantically.
"We could pay off Visa," he responded.
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Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license. "Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
BABALA SA MGA NAKIKIGAMIT NG AKING KUBETA
 
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano |
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see-j
Diamond Star
China
447 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2005 : 10:07:48 AM
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In a second grade class, a little girl asked, "Ma'am, can my Mommy get pregnant?"
"How old is your mom, dear?" inquired the teacher.
"Forty." the kid replied. "Yes, dear your mother could get pregnant."
The little girl continued to ask, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
"How old is your sister?" the teacher asked.
The girl answered, "19." "Your sister certainly could get pregnant." replied the teacher.
The little girl then asked, "Can I get pregnant? I am seven years old."
"No, dear you cannot get pregnant." the teacher answered.
Then a little boy behind the little girl came out and said to the girl,
"See, i told you we had nothing to worry about." |
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Joke Time!!!
