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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2005 : 11:48:32 PM
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The Setting: Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion. The Finalists: Ms. America -Ms. Spain - Ms. Britain - Ms. Iran -Ms. India - Ps. Philippines - Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. Britain: Because it cries after every performance. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country? Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves. Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer. Q: Why do you say that? Ms. India: Because it works day and night. (Applause..Applause) Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country? Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi...I can say dat male organs in ourcountry are like chismis! Q: Chismis? Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It's ano..Kuwan...It means GOSSIP in our language. Q: Hmm..Interesting comparison..And why do you say that? Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi...I mean...Because...it passes frommouth to mouth. (STANDING OVATION)
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Lunch break sa skul at ng tipon ang magbabarka (girl?s syempre)?. -- Girl 1: Pa?no ba malalaman kung gano kahaba ang ti-- ng guys? -- Girl 2: Eh, di syempre sa haba ng hintuturo nila. --- Naghalakhakan?. bwa, ha, ha, ha!.. -- Girl 3: Sa mga guys naman, pano kaya nila malalaman kung gano kalaki ang ki-- nating mga girls? -- Girl 4: Eh, di sa laki ng mga bibig natin!... -- Nagtawanan? hu, hu, hu, hu?
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ANAK: mommy tignan nio may ahas kay daddy,
MOMMY: oo nga eh,,kaya nga inupuan ko para mamatay,
ANAK: ay mas matapang pa pala sa inyo si yaya, kasi kanina kinain niya yung ahas ni daddy...
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Bagong kasal si Inday sa isang mayamang intsik na si Chen....Sa kanilang honeymoon, agad nilang dineretso ang kama....
CHEN : "Dear, mukha mo maputi"....
INDAY : "Dear naman, pati sa kama, binobola ako, kayumanggi ako, at digaanong maputi."....napasigaw si CHEN, "Dear, sabi ko IBUKA MO MABUTI"
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Teenage girl: Kiss me, but marry me.
Wife: No money, no honey.
Mistress: With house, open blouse.
Secretary: Forget your wife, always remember me!
Kumare: Wala ang pare mo, pwede na tayo.
GRO: No pay, no lay.
Pokpok: Money down, panty down.
Salesgirl: Buy me this dress, I give you happiness.
Madre: Gusto ko sana, may pari bang kakasa?
Biyuda: Matagal nang wala, ikaw ay pinagpala.
Matandang dalaga: Noon pa sana, ngayon, paano na?
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 =Cry for ANY and EVERY reason.. sometimes, it feels good to cry..= |
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2005 : 11:54:59 PM
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NANAY: Daphne, paki bili nga ng tuyo dun sa tindahan.. DAPHNE: opo nanay.. agad tumakbo c daphne patungo sa tindahan.. bigla cyang nadapa at nakalimutan nya ang utos ng nanay nya.. dinukot nya ang pekpek nya at agad nyang naalala na tuyo pala ang pinabibili ng nanay.. takbo na naman cya.. nadapa na naman at nakalimutan na nya naman.. malapit na ang tindahan.. dinukot na naman nya ang pekpek nya at tinanong nya ang tindera "may ganito ba kayong amoy dyan?" pina amoy nya sa tindera at sabi ng tindera "ahhh.. tuyo";)
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Sexy: hu,hu,hu,hu...maawa ka naman! meron ako!
Rapist: (lasing) aah! walang meron-meron sa akin! patikim!
Sexy: aaaahyyy..
Rapist: Tangna! Kadiri! Meron ka nga! Meron kang titi!
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=Cry for ANY and EVERY reason.. sometimes, it feels good to cry..= |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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bebe_gurl
Global Moderator
Christmas Island
4520 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 12:17:25 AM
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meron pa kso iniipon ko pa
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=Cry for ANY and EVERY reason.. sometimes, it feels good to cry..= |
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GeRbEr4aDuLtS
Superstar
1719 Posts |
 Posted - 12/11/2005 : 5:01:34 PM
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 A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always wanted to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun gives him a kiss  that would make a call girl blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party." 
"Wisdom enters not a malicious mind, as well as Love enters not a selfish heart."
~anonymous |
Edited by - GeRbEr4aDuLtS on 12/11/2005 5:02:57 PM |
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 13/11/2005 : 07:40:19 AM
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wahahahhahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sa joke ni yen
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BABALA SA MGA NAKIKIGAMIT NG AKING KUBETA
 
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano |
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GeRbEr4aDuLtS
Superstar
1719 Posts |
Posted - 13/11/2005 : 1:13:14 PM
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a s a r !
"Wisdom enters not a malicious mind, as well as Love enters not a selfish heart."
~anonymous |
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malika
Diamond Star
United Arab Emirates
175 Posts |
Posted - 13/11/2005 : 2:30:32 PM
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LITTLE BRUNO ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Bruno.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Bruno says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Bruno replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
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tripple20501
Star Light
Saudi Arabia
13 Posts |
Posted - 16/11/2005 : 11:14:25 AM
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Bacon & Eggs
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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tripple20501
Star Light
Saudi Arabia
13 Posts |
Posted - 26/11/2005 : 1:41:03 PM
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WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE CAKE OR BED?
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME
WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;
FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO
FEEL
GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP
OUT.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE
YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL
THE
REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A
CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE GOLDILOCKS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
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tripple20501
Star Light
Saudi Arabia
13 Posts |
Posted - 26/11/2005 : 3:36:52 PM
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Just for the enrichment of your vocabulary......
1. BAKOKANG --- Higanteng peklat. ito'y madalas na dulot ng mga sugat na malaki na hindi ginamitan ng sebo de macho habang natutuyo. Imbes na normal na balat ang nakatakip sa bakokang, ito'y mayroong makintab na takip.
2. KALAMANTUTAY --- > Mabahong pangalan
3. MULMUL --- > Buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal. Mahirap ipaliwanag kung bakit nagkakaroon ng MULMUL ang isang nunal. Subalit hindi talaga ito naaalis, kahit na bunutin pa ito, maliban na lamang kung ipapa-laser ito. ***** "How nice naman your MULMUL! Nakakakiliti!" *****
4. BURNIK --- > Taeng sumabit sa buhok sa pwet. Madalas nararanasan ng mga taong nagti-tissue lamang pagkatapos tumae. Ang BURNIK ay mahirap alisin, lalo na kapag natuyo na ito. Ipinapayo sa mga may BURNIK na maligo na lamang upang ito'y maalis. ***** "Labs, alam ko kung anong kinain mo kanina!!!" *****
5. ALPOMBRA --- > Kasuotan sa paa na kadalasang makikitang suot ng mga tindero ng yosi sa quiapo. Ito'y may makipot na suotan ng paa, at manipis na swelas. Mistulang sandalyas ito ng babae pero kadalasang suot ng mga lalaki. Available in blue, red, green, etc.
6. McARTHUR --- > Taeng bumabalik after mong i-flush. "I shall return!"
7. AGIHAP --- > Libag na dumikit sa panty o brief. Nabubuo ang AGIHAP kung ang panty o brief ay suot-suot na nang hindi bumababa sa tatlong araw.
8. DUKIT --- > Ito ang amoy na nakukuha kung isinabit mo ang daliri mo sa iyong puwit o sa puwit ng iba....try it to prove it thats DUKIT.
9. SPONGKLONG --- > Ito'y isang bagong wika na nangangahulugan sa isang estupidong tao. ***** "Buti naman at bumaba na sa puwesto ang SPONGKLONG nating Presidente." *****
10. LAPONGGA --- > Ito'y kahintulad sa laplapan o kaya sa lamasan. "Hoy Utoy, bakit ba ang hilig mo sa mga sineng puro LAPONGGA lang ang palabas?"
11. WENEKLEK --- > Ito ang buhok sa utong na kadalasang nakikita sa mga tambay sa kanto na laging nakahubad. Meron din ang babae nito. ***** "Inay! Si Itay, sinaksak yung kapitbahay natin kasi hinila yung weneklek" *****
12. BAKTUNG --- > Pinaikling salita ng BAKAT- UTONG. ***** "Uy Jefferson, tingnan mo si Ma'am, BAKTUNG na naman!"
13. BAKTI --- > Bakat panty
14. ASOGUE --- > Buhok sa kilikili
15. BARNAKOL --- > Maitim na libag sa batok na naipon sa matagal na panahon
16. BULTOKACHI --- > Tubig na tumatalsik sa pwet kapag nalalaglag ang isang malaking ebak.
17. BUTUYTUY --- > Etits ng bata
18. JABARR --- > Pawis ng katawan
19. BAKTOL --- > Ang ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa kili-kili. Ang baktol ay kapareho ng amoy ng nabubulok na bayabas. Ito'y dumidikit sa damit, at humahalo sa pawis. Madalas na naaamoy tuwing registration, sa elevator o FX. ***** "Put@#$%, sinong nangangamoy
BAKTOL sa inyo????!!! *****
20. KUKURIKAPU --- > Libag sa ilalim ng b**bs. Madalas na namumuo dahil sa labis na baby powder na inilalagay sa katawan. Maaari ding mamuo kung hindi talaga naliligo o naghihilod ang isang babae. Ang KUKURIKAPU ay mas madalas mamuo sa mga babaeng malalaki ang joga.
***** "Honey, maligo ka na para maalis yang KUKURIKAPU mo."
Ngayon alam nyo ibig sabihin kapag nakarinig kayo ng ganitong mga salita.
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malaine
Global Moderator
Saint Barthelemy
6003 Posts |
Posted - 26/11/2005 : 4:03:38 PM
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nabasa ko na to nakakatuwa at nakakapagisip dahil meron palang ganitong salita
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
BABALA SA MGA NAKIKIGAMIT NG AKING KUBETA
http://malaine.blogspot.com
http://360.yahoo.com/malaine_leano |
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GeRbEr4aDuLtS
Superstar
1719 Posts |
Posted - 27/11/2005 : 4:21:13 PM
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hahahahaha,,, hehehehehe,,, sino kayang nag-imbento ng mga gan'tong salita???!!!
"Wisdom enters not a malicious mind, as well as Love enters not a selfish heart."
~anonymous |
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Joke Time!!!
